I used to prioritise local crime rates and school catchment areas. But living a few minutes from a supermarket is a wonderful thing
The first time I chose a place to live on my own, someone told me to triangulate the yellow incident boards. I can’t remember the formula but if you are yay many yards from three big signs calling for witnesses to separate violent crimes, you’re in a dangerous area.
The second time I moved, it was all about primary school catchment. My ex-husband, a geologist, plotted the distance from the front door to the school using software that measured degrees of the Earth, to find that we were actually much closer than other, visually closer houses. I said: “Yeah, but I don’t think Lambeth council will be using your dumb software.” Then we had a row but moved in anyway, and it was all fine, at least as far as the school place was concerned. There is no lesson here.
Zoe Williams is a Guardian columnist
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